happy May Day

a day in the life of a mermaid in transformation

My alarm had woken me for the second day in a row. After a long week during which allergy season had taken hold and sleep gave way to coughing fits, more often than not, throughout the night, I was finally sleeping better again.

When I first woke, I was reflecting on the dream I had been having when my alarm had so rudely woken me. I have been having some very vivid, technicolor and odd dreams of late. It was Friday in my dream, and I was at school. Those reflections were fresh in my mind when I woke and then, I can’t lie, a little bit of dread crept in because I knew it was not Friday. But thank goodness, I thought to myself, it IS Friday Eve (aka Thursday). Whew. Even if it weren’t Friday, THAT was something to look forward to.

I got busy with my day, then. Showering, getting myself ready, as I also made sure my teenager got out of bed ON TIME AND in enough time to also catch the bus. This has been a “thing” lately, in case you were wondering. When, as I finally “slowed down” enough to realize I was on schedule and he WAS, in fact, going to make it to the bus, it suddenly dawned on me, that today is, in fact, Wednesday. Not Friday Eve, as I had thought just an hour or so earlier. Dddddaaaammmmnnnn it! In that moment, I felt a little like this….

This is a picture my now teenage son drew and colored sometime around second grade. It is a self-portrait of what he believes he looks like when he “flips his lid.” It is among my favorite pictures that my kids have ever drawn. I can confirm sometimes Nicholas does, in fact, look exactly like this when he flips his lid. Sometimes, each of us does. We all have those moments. Even me. Even if it lasts only a few seconds or minutes.

Nicholas got out the door. On time even! This is normally my devotional time - right after he leaves the house. I was prepared. And then picked up the phone to call my mom so I could wish her a Happy Birthday. She and my sister had just finished their Mediterranean cruise and were flying back into Miami today. My mom was then spending the next few days with my sister at her house in The Keys before coming home on Saturday.

Only mom didn’t answer her phone. Okay. I called my sister’s cell instead. The dynamics of my morning were about to change. Talking to my mom would have been, likely, a quick “happy birthday, how was your trip, enjoy the rest of your birthday and your visit, looking forward to seeing you soon for lunch and to catch up” kind of conversation. My sister, on the other hand, being that we don’t talk all that often wanted to know how college was going, wanted to talk about her new textbook (my sister is an animal behaviorist) that was just published, and all the sister things. Not that I’m complaining because I don’t talk to my sister a whole lot, but it took substantially more time than talking to my mom. I really am not complaining - I love my sister and we hardly ever talk on the phone!!

And, thus, just before my devotional time, which had to be compressed time-wise, there were a couple of deep breaths and then I dove in. I had been looking out the window the whole time I was on the phone with my sister and sipping my coffee. Also, my husband had wandered down mid-greeting with my sister to whisper some of his own news to me. Whereas on a normal morning, I would get quiet, breathe deeply, look out at the trees, prepare my heart by being grateful for my time and for what I was about to receive, and just basically bringing myself fully into the present (if I weren’t already there).

I first opened my Grateful Living Word of the Day. “I join my hands in thanks for the many wonders of life; for having twenty-hour brand-new hours before me.” - Thich Nhat Hanh. Alright, alright. I am to be grateful. Even for the mornings that are a little bit different than usual. Even when I have to rush more than usual to do my devotionals. That doesn’t occur every single day. No reason to get to let myself get extra wonkafied because of that. It means I got to chat with my sister AND my mom, at the same time even and spread some love among the women in my immediate family on TOP of getting an “extra” day more than I thought to love on the kids and the staff at work.

I might have normally even waited until this evening to do devotionals, but I felt like it was important that I do them now, considering I was a little off-kilter - thinking it was a day later in the week than it actually was. Never hurts to have some extra gratitude sprinkled over those mornings and devotional time is a GREAT time for gratitude. That’s the whole point of devotions; to prepare my heart, ahead of time, for the day ahead; for having a heart of gratitude and things to be thankful for at the top of my mind. I then considered putting off my video, but I went ahead with it. Duh. It is “Blessings” by David Whyte. I also needed some blessings to sprinkle over this kind of morning.

My divine feminine book was a message about slow transformation. This one, I DID put aside for now because I really wanted to hear and embody this message, savor it even. I’ll explain why later. I just glanced over the whole thing and set it aside, giving myself a reminder, so that I could read it later and include my thoughts on it when I do. Then, I finished the rest of my devotions (two other books and a voice recording) and personal affirmations, finished getting ready and left the house.

I FIRMLY believe all of that above, puts me in exactly the right spot for the whole day. For being present in spite of whatever came my way and continuing my gratitude. And, in view of all of that, there was just one blessing after another all day.

On my way past my mailbox that morning, I discovered a love note left by my sweet, lovely Soul Sister of a friend from the library. She does this often and it is the sweetest thing. Be still, my heart. Be still!

I like to get to work about 20-ish minutes early, so that I can be in my space and not feel rushed when I start my day. Although I had been assigned to two particular students for the day (I switch back and forth between two pairs of students I work with day to day - one pair is on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and the other pair on the remaining days of the week - for the most part. But really, I fill in all over the place throughout every day, jumping in when needed or asked), the previous day I was working with my usual M, W, F students and, thus, had been assigned them again today because it was technically their day, but one of my coworkers offered to switch anyway, since I had these students the day before. That was lovely.

I get breakfast for a couple of my darlings, which gives me a chance to love on the staff from the kitchen. Then I welcome kids off the bus. I greet every one of them by name. Some of them need or want to be walked to their classroom. I am usually one of the only people from my room outside, so it is a busy task. I am also the last one out there, so I lock the gate behind me sometime after the opening bell of the day rings.

After that, I walk my darlings to each of their gen ed classes and I switch back and forth between classrooms for the two of them, beginning at 8:40 because neither are one-on-one assignments. Right around 9:10ish, I walk one of them back to special education for a break while I go back to sit on the remainder of the class meeting for my other darling and then I walk him back to our special education classroom for his break. After break, I support at the teacher table for social/emotional learning stories. Then it’s time for first recess.

As I was on my way in from first recess at 10:10 (I think that’s when it was), where a second grade student from a classroom I frequent told me he liked my hair (see? I get a lot of comments about my hair***), and my sweet, lovely Soul Sister of a friend from the library, the one who I trade clothes with (tee hee), came to deliver me a beautiful and wonderful May Day gift. I have THE most amazing friends!!! *SIGH*

One darling and I went to PE, doing stations of all kinds this day. After that, we went back to the classroom to do work from my two darlings’ IEP work. Then I support some of the kindies in my class beginning at 11:30 through their lunch and then switch to first and second grade lunch support for the darlings I am assigned for the day, with recess right after. After making sure my darlings are off the playground at the end of recess, 12:15, and back to class, then I get my 30 minutes of lunchtime.

When I return, I go to library with another two darlings, and then music with those same two, followed by recess at 2:05. After recess, I get my break. When I return from that, the special education/life skills classes all convene together for their own music class. Then back to our classroom for silly songs while we pack up and wait for buses, escort parent pickups and kids out to the buses as they arrive, sometime between 3:10 and 3:30.

At long last, the final bell rung. The end of the school day had arrived. Not that I am complaining. The last 15 minutes or so of the day, I often get a chance to sit and play or cuddle sweet kids in my room. One little kindie found his way to my lap during music and sat with his arms around me and his head on my shoulder. His mom is not in his life, so how could I say no?? You betcha I soaked in every second of that!! We both needed it. As cuddles go, this is very sweet and wonderful. Only way it could get better is cuddling with one sweet boy closer to my own age.

Really, all day long, I got filled up with hugs and love from all manner of students who love me and whom I love back. Every day, even still, I am making new friends. I continue to wow students on the playground with my hanging upside down and backflip abilities. Earlier this week, a kid told me she had “no idea that teachers could be cool!” Another kid asked, “Well, can you do this?” as she demonstrated something. Sure can!! I demonstrated back. To more “Wows!”

It was McTeacher night for our school. I wasn’t going to go, but I decided at the last minute to go. For the benefit of the school. Only…it didn’t start for another 40 minutes after my quitting time. I hung around school awhile waiting. Then, I drove to the participating McDonald’s and got very small meals for my own kids. While I waited for my order, one of the teachers whose class I have been in with one of my kiddos engaged me in conversation. I won’t say much about our conversation except that she seemed to need some positive reinforcement and I was all too happy to reassure her that it wasn’t my job or place or even inclination to judge her teaching skills in any way and it didn’t matter anyway, because I thought she was amazing. I’m glad I was able to quiet that thought for her. At home, my boys were delighted to get a treat. I sat with them a while, to talk and share our days while they ate.

When I finally got settled in front of my computer to get cracking on my homework at home, my college counselor called to “chat.” It was one of THOSE conversations, just “calling to see how it’s going” and then something I said led to, “it’s interesting you say that, I wonder if you could tell me…” It was 27 minutes and 31 seconds before that call ended. But I said my peace and then some. He DID say “I have time” when I responded something was a long story. The reality is he got me talking about something I am passionate about (i.e., everything, but especially the kids I teach), so it didn’t feel like wasted or misused time. It ALL feels important. Where else do I get to try and teach children about life, but instead the kids teach me what life is all about? I dislike talking about myself in this way so much (it makes me seriously uncomfortable)!!! Ugh. If I perched anywhere for too long, emotions start to surface because I hate tooting my horn in this manner, so I had to keep moving. I was pacing and wandering the house the whole time. I unloaded the dishes, started a load of laundry, sat in my room, sat at my computer, and sat outside. I got through it, though. I anticipate the next call will be a little more quiet. Have mercy - you should see the length of my discussion posts. I read some other people’s and think sheesh, I don’t think it’s even possible for me to be that brief. LOL. Spent another few minutes with the boys before my homework began for reals this time.

Finally, I got to settle down and do homework for about 2ish hours. Reading from my textbook on assessing student performance and grading systems while making notes. Preparing my discussion post on assessment and evaluation strategies. Then, I made sure all the dishes were loaded into the dishwasher and started it. I transferred clothes from the washing machine to the dryer. After which I did yoga for 20ish minutes. More homework followed for another hour and a half or so. I eventually shut the computer off at 9ish, spent my last hour before bed getting coffee and lunch ready for the next morning, laying out my clothes for the next day, spending more time with my kids, and retrieving some of the clothes from the dryer to put away.

I spent the last 15 minutes of the day finally reading the devotional I set aside, washing my face, shedding my clothes, and, at last, slipping in between my cool sheets. And so, at the end of the day, THIS is what I looked like (I mean, minus the top, because I’m a part-time nudist and I’m by myself, after all):

My normal, contemplative, mermaid self, perusing the depths of her ocean of love and how the blessings therein are just as deep and wide.

My devotional that I wanted to put aside to read later, as I said, was about slow transformation versus too fast/all at once blocks of change, which never take hold because it is too much all at once. Our physical bodies need time to embody transformation, to hold the shift a cellular level, as well as emotional, mental and Soul level. At least for this mermaid! I don’t want a long list of to-dos for my transformation, too. That is far too overwhelming for me.

I have learned to be surrendered to Life, as it comes, to embody that way of Being. I keep my front mat swept so when Life arrives, I can welcome it in and offer some tea. That way that I’m talking about is Being and being in the moment. It’s not only that, though, its noticing especially what feels good, allowing myself to feel good in those moments and to build more of those moments, too. Because then I am practicing more and more and more of taking things as they come. Breathing into each and every moment. Being grateful and blessed and allowing myself to be both.

This is why I wanted to set aside my devotional to read later, so that I could fully savor it, reflect on it, and embody it. It is all a part of my transformation. I don’t want to miss out on any of my Life. Not the surrendering, the presence, the breath, the gratitude and, of course, the love!!

While what I wrote above isn’t necessarily what every single day looks like, it’s pretty close-at least work wise. I know all the rest of those things won’t last forever. My kids are getting older and more independent. College will eventually end. It may start again, though. Who knows what I’ll be drawn to? I’m up for it. One of the things my counselor asked today when I was on the phone was “How do you do it all?” My response? “I guess I was a circus performer in a past life. You know, one of those dish spinners? It just all works.” I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how busy I am. I am just living. Knowing this season will end very soon.

What I DO spend time on, however, is thinking about those things that feel good, free, and spacious and how to bring more of those into my life. And, not only that, when I do spend time engaged in thinking about and enjoying THOSE things, hand to my heart, I swear time lengthens. Really!!! Because I DO get to enjoy all of those things every day, in spite of what seems like a very busy schedule. It’s all frame of mind, heart, and Soul.

My divine feminine devotional put it a lot more eloquently, “Let the shattering occur, for the shattering allows the pieces to rearrange all by themselves.” Yep. I can confirm that is true. When I just let life happen and I surrender to it, acknowledge it and breathe into it, it just happens all by itself in a way that is better than I could have imagined.

*** Oh! By the way, the other day, my boys and I went to the grocery store. While we were at the store, we were walking through the aisles and this older lady came up to us and said, “I have a bone to pick with you all.” I know!!! I was thinking, oh my word, what happened? She asked, “How is it that a WHOLE family has such beautiful hair, and I am stuck with this,” as she pulled on a rope of her own short hair. She asked me if the boys liked their hair, and I told her they must because they won’t let me cut it. She told me then, “Your hair is absolutely gorgeous.” So, there you go. Curls sure attract attention.

I guess you’d also want to know that I had my annual mammogram check up on Tuesday afternoon. Ladies, feel those boobies (or have your significant other do it for you) and get your mammograms! I’m having faith for another all clear. You can be sure I was extra nice to the girls Tuesday evening. Took some time in the sauna and gave them a lovely massage with oils. Mmm, mmmmm!!! ***UPDATE: I JUST got my results and it is, in fact, all clear!! Yay :-)

One more thing: this is a “special edition” of uncovering, but it certainly is important to the uncovering of my Soul; it is ALL important. So, you may expect another essay post at its regularly scheduled time and day. I don’t even know why this needed to be written. It didn’t come out exactly the way it started, so it feels a little awkward, but still, I’m posting it anyway because that’s me.

Thanks for being here, for being such beautiful people, and for reading. Love to you each. I’ll talk to ya next time. XO